Fowl Waters
by luvsanime02
Summary: Wufei thinks at first that a picnic isn't such a bad idea. He's wrong. This is the second story in the Never, Maybe, Sometimes, Always series.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing, and am making no money off of this fic.

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 **Fowl Waters** by luvsanime02

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Wufei has to admit that this isn't such a bad idea, after all. When Hilde and Relena had shown up at his apartment with a picnic basket and asked him to have lunch with them, he'd definitely been skeptical. It might only be September, but it's still one of the cooler days outside, a little windy, and the sky is cloudy.

Hilde had assured him that there's no call for rain, though, and Relena had simply linked her arm through Wufei's while he'd still been caught off-guard. There was nothing to do after that but to toe on his shoes and go with them.

The spot that they've chosen is very pretty, Wufei thinks. They're at a small, quiet park, sitting at a picnic table set right beside a pond where they can watch ducks swimming in the water. The trees are beginning to turn colors, and the sky is clearing, and the emerging sun warms them up nicely.

"What brought this idea on?" he asks curiously, watching as two ducks leave the water and waddle over towards the three of them, no doubt hopeful about sharing some of their food.

"Relena saw it in a movie," Hilde says, shrugging. She's laying out some cheeses and grapes and pre-made salads. "You know, one of those romantic ones that she says she doesn't like but not-at-all-secretly does."

Wufei nods, while Relena smiles. "I don't know what you two are talking about," she denies, tossing her hair over her shoulder. The strands glint under the sunlight, highlights of red and blonde becoming briefly visible amongst the soft brunette. "I just thought it'd be nice," she admits, this time truthfully. "We've all been busy lately."

"This is the first time I've been stateside in weeks," Hilde admits. "Are you sure you haven't rented out my room yet?" she asks Relena teasingly.

"I'd let Wufei move in if he begged," Relena says, smirking.

Wufei shakes his head in amusement, while Hilde laughs. "Not happening," he says bluntly. Not necessarily the begging, but the moving. Wufei spent five months looking for his apartment, and he loves it. He's not about to just move out now.

"Too bad," Hilde says, sighing exaggeratedly before winking at him. "That would have been a nice incentive to come home more often, knowing there's a hot guy in my bed."

"What am I, old socks?" Relena demands, pretending to be offended, and Wufei laughs in amusement. He does make a mental note of Hilde's statement, though. Perhaps, sometime, he and Relena can surprise Hilde when she comes home from one of her photoshoots.

"Like you wouldn't love to come home and find Wufei naked in your bed," Hilde says, teasing her. Relena flushes, but nods in agreement, and then they both turn to eye Wufei speculatively.

Wufei raises an eyebrow and smirks, pretending that he's not seriously considering the idea, and calmly reaches out to take a grape. "I see that I'm only wanted for my looks," he says, sighing as though he's put off by the notion.

Hilde grins. "Who doesn't want some eye candy hanging around them?" she agrees, before leaning over and eating the grape right out of Wufei's hand, her lips brushing over his fingers. Suddenly, Wufei's less interested in the food, and more interested in the adventurous gleam in Hilde's eyes.

Relena picks up another grape, and Hilde eats that one from her hand, too, and now none of them are all that invested in the food anymore. Relena stands up and sits down on top of the picnic table instead, pushing aside the plates so that she can lean forward and kiss Wufei.

Wufei kisses her back, wrapping one arm around her waist. Relena tugs him forward, until Wufei's climbing up onto the table, too, his hand pressing against Relena's back to help keep her balanced. His other hand reaches out, searching, and Hilde's hand slips into his own. He pulls her up to join them, and Hilde presses herself against Wufei's back, running her hands over his shoulders and down his arms, to Relena's, and then back again. Her lips start to leave a soft, wet trail down Wufei's neck as she kisses him there. He shivers at the sensation, sensitive, and Hilde warmly chuckles beside his ear.

"Didn't think it'd be this easy to get you two to have sex in public," she admits.

Wufei thinks about protesting, but Relena's crawling into his lap and Hilde's fingers pinch one of his nipples before her hands drift lower, playing with the zipper on his pants, and he forgets all about caring where they are and who might possibly come by and see the three of them together like this.

There is no loud, ominous creak. That, at least, would be a warning. No, there's only the consuming experience of Relena pressed against his front and Hilde against his back, the anticipation of what they'll do next, and then suddenly one side of the picnic table collapses.

Relena lets out a startled shriek as she tumbles backwards, and Wufei instinctively lunges forward and wraps his hands around her head to protect her skull just before they hit the water. They're at the edge of the pond, of course, where the water is shallow and there's nothing but scum and viscous muck to break their fall. Mud and worse things gets into Wufei's eyes and his mouth and his _nose_ , and Wufei lifts his head up out of the water, gasping for air and spitting out mud. He listens to Relena next to him as she tries to cough up what sounds like the whole pond's worth of water from her lungs.

Wufei blinks his eyes repeatedly in a futile attempt to clear them, and then stares in stunned silence at Relena, watching as she pulls some slimy-looking hair out of her mouth with another wet cough. The remains of their food is drifting along the surface of the water all around them, and the ducks are coming over to investigate. The air is still, both of them still in disbelief, and then the quiet is shattered by a noise that sounds something like one of the ducks having an asthma attack.

Both Wufei and Relena slowly lift their dripping heads and turn towards the sound. Hilde is lying on the ground - the _dry_ ground - beside the remains of the picnic table. She hasn't bothered to stand up yet. Probably because she's too busy laughing so hard that tears are streaming down her cheeks and her face is bright red.

"Are you two okay?" she manages to get out between wheezing laughs. Wufei refuses to dignify that with a response.

Relena lets out an offended huff beside him, and tries to climb to her feet. One of her legs slips out from underneath her, and then Relena crashes sideways into Wufei, who barely keeps them both from toppling back into the water by throwing a hand out and bracing himself against the ground. The mucky, murky pond bottom, he should say. His hand sinks into the mud, and when he pulls it back up, the stuff squelches as it reluctantly lets go of his skin. Wufei grimaces.

"For fuck's sake," Relena mutters next to him, and Wufei turns to look at her again, startled by the uncommon cursing. Relena's soaking wet, of course, and streaked with mud. She looks like she's spent the past six months trekking through a jungle, crawling through trenches and some swamps and fighting for her life, her eyes blazing with righteous fury.

Wufei wants to kiss her again, filthy mud and all, but settles instead for reaching out and gently plucking some pond scum from her hair and dropping it back into the water with a plop. Relena watches the disgusting stuff sink into the pond with a betrayed expression on her face.

"Are you two planning on getting out of the water anytime soon?" Hilde asks, her eyes shining with amusement when Wufei looks back at her. He slowly and carefully stands up, and then offers his hand to Relena. She grabs his arm for more leverage, and heaves herself upright. Water _pours_ off of both of them, and Wufei's sure that he needs at least three showers before he'll ever feel anything remotely like clean again.

Hilde grabs onto both of their hands when they get close enough, and helps pull them back onto dry land. Relena takes off her shoes and turns them upside down. Water and mud trickles out of them. Her toes are covered in a layer of pond filth, and Wufei has never been so glad of socks before in his entire life. He refuses to think about what he must look like. One glance at Hilde stifling another laugh is enough to tell him that he doesn't want to know.

"I'd kiss it and make it better, but frankly, I'm worried about contracting some disease from the two of you right now," Hilde admits cheerfully. Wufei can't even blame her in the slightest.

" _Ducks_ swim in there," Relena says, clearly disgusted. "I feel like I should boil myself clean in a pot on the stove."

Wufei snorts at the mental image. Athena sitting proud and fierce in a pool of shallow water, fire all around her. It's surprisingly fitting.

"Other things live in there, too," Hilde adds, not helpfully. Relena sniffs.

"We are never talking about this again," Wufei declares, setting the record straight right this minute.

Hilde raises an eyebrow, but Relena nods firmly before she can say something. "We are never talking about this again," Relena agrees.

Both of them start walking away, their heads held high and their backs straight, Wufei's shoes squishing with every step and Relena still barefoot. Water's still dripping off of them, _ugh_.

"I suppose I can give you both that," Hilde agrees, walking on Wufei's other side and matching pace with their dignified march away from the pond, "since you were nice enough not to drag me into the water with you," she adds, sounding genuinely relieved.

Wufei rolls his eyes. "You're welcome," he says sarcastically.

"I'm shivering," Relena points out practically. "And I don't even know if it's from the shock or the water or if I'm already contracting malaria."

"We have a kotatsu," Hilde says sympathetically. "You can get warm again under that in no time."

"I'm coming over to your place," Wufei says, inviting himself over and not even caring if that's rude. He'd forgotten about the kotatsu. That sounds like heaven right about now. Besides, there's no reason why Wufei should subject his apartment to this mess, too.

"I'll make you both something warm to eat," Hilde offers. "And I'll clean out the car, too. The seats will need washed after you two sit on them. Just please don't hug me until after you shower."

Relena looks like she's contemplating tackling Hilde to the ground and rubbing herself all over the other woman, and Wufei will absolutely join her. Hilde, sensing the danger, is quick to throw them a pleading look. "Please? I'll throw in some massages once you're clean again."

"You're going to have to wait at least a year for that," Relena grumbles, but she generously backs off. Wufei reaches the car first, and opens the door. He and Relena silently agree to sit in the back. There's no sense in getting the passenger seat filthy, too.

"I refuse to listen to another one of your ideas for at least a month," Wufei announces into the quiet, addressing both of them.

Hilde snickers. "Well, I mean, that's fair," she allows graciously. "Halloween isn't for another six weeks, anyway."

Wufei groans. He doesn't even _want_ to know.


End file.
